Return to balance

balance health love presence Jun 12, 2019

Yesterday I spent a day in bed. This happens once in a while, and given that it used to happen frequently, even daily, before I started my raw food journey, it’s shouldn’t be a big deal at all.

However, the mind still struggles against it. So when I woke up in the morning feeling pain all over my body and completely drained of all energy, feeling like I’m not able to get myself out of bed, my thoughts were not particularly loving. I won’t even repeat them here.

I momentarily felt like a failure. Am I not the woman who has unlimited energy and can get herself always into a mindset of happiness, joy and ease? Obviously not.

So I surrendered, hesitantly at first, but more and more as the day went on, whilst I discovered that I couldn’t even do those things I thought I would be able to carry out from bed.

You see, you have to understand that I am a doer. If I don’t do, my ego thinks it has failed. It rubs its grubby hands, puts on a sneering smile and says: ‘See, I told you, you hadn’t hacked this’.
My husband always used to say, ‘Gabriela, you’re not happy until you’ve ticked everything off your to-do-list’.

Now, over the years of working on healing myself physically, emotionally and spiritually, I have learned that to-do-lists don’t matter. I’ve learned that working hard doesn’t get me there faster, nor does speeding up. I’ve learned that my body and mind needs a certain amount of downtime to function well, and that it’s okay to sometimes not function well.

However, in the day to day activities of my life, particularly when I have some bigger plans, I drift back into my old mind-set. That include two main premises: ‘I must do it all now’ and ‘I can squeeze in a little more’.

So I did. Since January, when I set myself a goal to not only continue to run my retreat and coaching business and take care of our airbnb guest, but to also add another business to the mix, I’ve been ‘putting in the hours’. My mind has been almost constantly busy with what I need to do next to ‘get there’ — What the heck does that even mean? Getting there?

I’ve been squeezing in meetings, talks at festivals, stalls at fairs, coaching and training calls - both receiving and giving them - whilst simultaneously taking care of a lot more domestic stuff due to the fact that Neil has been finding it hard to walk because of a hip issue.

Of course you know already what happened. I got tired. I started to lose my normal enthusiasm, I noticed that I found it hard to get out of bed in the morning, when normally I look forward to the new day ahead. Neil would say to me: “You’ve got to slow down!” But I wouldn’t listen. Surely I can squeeze in a little more.

Here and there I would grab and hour or so, but that was it. Even my morning juice and yoga routine went out the window a little. And my daily spiritual practice started to feel a bit ‘rushed’.

And then I crashed. Thank you Universe for making me stop.

I spent a day in bed. I slept a lot. I did a bit of work, but I couldn’t really get into the swing of that. Neil took care of the essentials: feeding our pets, making food, making tea, clearing up…
I was finally able to let go. Thoughts went through my mind like clouds drifting by. Thoughts about stuff that wouldn’t get done, people that I may have to let down, goals that may not be reached. And then suddenly a sense of peace and calm started to spread out inside of me, as I reminded myself that all is well.

And the synchronicities!

  • A friend messaged me to remind me to take some CBD Oil to help with the pain - excellent stuff if ever you need it!
  • A customer called unexpectedly to place an order, confirming that things come to me without struggle.
  • Another person confirmed her attendance at one of my events, for which I really was hoping for one more participant.
  • The speaker on the weekly German Ringana Fresh Call, I listened, to told us to ‘make a smile’. I’d heard that one before… but I had forgotten to use it. What a difference it makes.

    Apparently, when our smiling muscles contract, they fire a signal back to the brain, stimulating our happiness system, and increasing our level of endorphins. In other words, when our brain feels happy, we smile; when we smile, our brain feels happy.
    
If you find it stupid to just smile even though you don’t feel like it, try putting a pencil horizontally between your lips. It is amazing, after a while you’ll simply feel like smiling. 

Today, I’m still in bed as I’m typing this. Not because I feel unwell, but just because I can and I want to. In a moment I’ll get up and have my juice and I’ll pace myself… until I forget again.

It's ultimately about practice. We need to practice living our lives in balance. The more we practice, the better we get at it. It doesn’t mean that we don’t sometimes get out of balance, but with practice we can get back into balance more quickly.

As Gabrielle Bernstein says: It’s not about being Love 100% of the time. It’s about how quickly we can return to Love.

That’s what we need to practice.



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